Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tossing batting practice….while being thankful that Usain Bolt now takes me off the hook as the world’s fastest man...though an ex gf or two of mine might disagree…

I know its been a while since the last post, but a combination of factors precluded another one.
First, I was busier this week than I was the previous week. Second, track was the dominant sport of week two, and its just a lot harder to follow. None of the events were live, and it was difficult to avoid finding out the result. Also, unlike swimming where the likes of Michael Phelps and crew swim multiple events, only precious few like Bolt actually run multiple events.
There are so many track athletes, so many events they literally come in and out of our lives in the blink of an eye.


Whoever was Tom Hammond’s analyst needs to stop talking about the track athletes as if they’re horses in time for London

The steeplechase is an interesting concept, but really I just want someone to fall, or for their to be a carnivorous animal in the water.


Until today Kenya had never won an Olympic gold medal in the Marathon, that’s ridiculous.

I am going to miss table tennis, tonight we even got a couple long range Forest Gump style rallies.

Carlos Boozer is a two-time Olympian? Really?

I refrained from speaking of this earlier, but its been a nice harkening back to the old days for NBC with the Roundball Rock theme being played coming in and out of commercials.

Trivia Time, who actually wrote that song?

As an American every non-Celtics fan should thank Paul Pierce for motivating Lebron in these Olympics.
Wow, Gasol with a quick three point play, even taking some contact, I don’t even have a joke there, I’m just that surprised.

“They don’t know it’s a damn show, they think it’s a damn fight!”
And the US is a bit sluggish to start, as they now face their largest deficit of the tournament, which lasted as long as it took you to read that before Chris Paul beat the defense down the floor for a layup.

Memo to the Nuggets, if you want Carmelo to reach his potential, somehow find a way to lure Jim Boeheim to Denver.

And in the blink of an eye the US has gone on a big run to take a 13 point lead

Spain has made a terrific game of this, but with a tenuous five point lead Kobe comes up with a huge three and a foul, for an 8 point lead.
Somewhere Laker fans are wondering where that was two months ago.

Spain comes right back and cuts it to four again, but Wade drills an open three, to go back up seven. He’s been absolutely huge tonight with 27 points in very limited minutes.

And Kobe with what looks like the clincher, a runner in the lane, followed by a great defensive stand.

While I rooted for Spain to keep it a game at least, in the end it was great for a US victory and return basketball to its rightful place.
They played as a team and actually defended when they needed to which was a nice diversion from previous Dream Teams.

I miss the Olympics already, and look forward to 2012 for more badminton, team handball and 1meter kayaking on a daily basis.

Trivia Answer – John Tesh

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Tossing batting practice…while reevaluating my life at the moment as I flip back and forth between badminton and trampoline action on a Saturday afternoon.

I have found my mission in life….judge of Olympic Racewalking, the opportunity to dole out yellow cards like a European soccer official drunk with power, all while uttering the phrase, “whoa slow down buddy!” seems too good to pass up.

ESPN college football analyst Lee Corso missed his calling, he should be pointing a no. 2 pencil into the chests of these racewalkers who are pushing the limits, with a stern, “not so fast my friend!!!!”


I kid you not, the American representatives in the pairs rowing, are Eric and Tyler Winklevoss of Greenwich, Conn. Apparently James Bottomtooth was unavailable to compete.

I still don’t really understand individual pursuit, but what really floors me is that an arena was actually built for that event.

Not only is trampoline an actual Olympic event, there is a full house of fans watching it. They say the Chinese identify athletes early in childhood for rigorous training, well how do they identify who’s going to excel in trampoline?

At least these athletes will have a long career as circus acrobats when they hang it up on international competition. What’s Michael Phelps going to do?

If Badminton athletes can play with a roaring crowd in the background, why can’t tennis players do the same? It might make the sport more interesting.

Our intrepid announcer just called the Indonesians superheroes, deflecting bullets, then asked rhetorically, “where’s the cape?”
I’ve got nothing else to add, I think that speaks for itself.

I understand I have some life evaluations to make, but the thousands of people who bought tickets to the Marathon event, where you simply see the runners enter the stadium, and run around once, all while waiting upwards of two hours, at 9am on Sunday morning., they have some real evaluating to do.

So the Women’s Marathon started at 7:30 a.m. local time, that sucks. You wait your whole life to compete in the Olympics and you’re starting at the crack of dawn.

Brief respite from Marathon watching, because without Bob Lobel and Heartbreak Hill its just not as much fun.
The Little League World Series is on, and this kid from Louisiana has struck out 15 of 16 possible outs while hitting 77 on the gun consistently, and no his last name isn’t Almonte.
Apparently Louisiana is representing the southwest, did that state up and move recently? Because I’ll be honest, I don’t really think of the Cajun country when the Southwest comes to mind.

If I were as far ahead of the pack as this woman is in the Marathon, I’d be running backwards taunting my opponents.

I’m always amused by the concept of the Marathon, the first person to ever do it, actually collapsed and died, and yet we now consider this some sort of athletic achievement, and encourage people to do it.


I shouldn’t care this much, because it is swimming, but this is riveting, what an amazing performance by Phelps to give the relay team a comfortable lead.
To be perfect all eight times, and to swim 17 times in eight days, well I tip my cap to him.
This is why you watch the Olympics, for performances like this. Athletes come and go in these games, but performances like this will stand the test of time.

I shudder to think what the producers of the Michael Phelps DVD would have done with all that wasted footage had he only won five gold medals.

The best part about this is somewhere the next Phelps will come along and aim for nine gold medals, and I look forward to watching that in 2044.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Tossing batting practice while wondering if Michael Phelps’ crazy, drill sergeant coach will be the swimming version of a rambling insane Bela Karoli in the 2024 Olympics…..

So I’ve watched two innings of this Cuba/US baseball game and the announcer keeps bringing up the new tiebreaker rule.
Each time he has done it, the jinx is on as in the 8th a Cuban homered, and in the 10th they got a leadoff triple.
However, the US reliever did a good job to work out of that leadoff triple and leave him stranded.

Bela Karoli is nuts…..like John Madden mixed with Gus Johnson, on acid, all coupled with a Boris Badenoff accent.

I watched a little replay of the gymnastics, and I have to say it was impressive and both handled themselves well. But I felt dirty watching the entire thing.
I felt a great tinge of sadness when I discovered courtesy of myspace, that my 1996 Olympic crush Dominique Moceanu is married with a child today at the tender age of 26. Gymnastics peaked for me as a 14 year old boy, and thus I’ve never been able to look at the sport the same way again.

The first day of track and field started today and thank god, because the swimming has gotten a little (ok a lot) boring.
There is only so much you can write about Michael Phelps.
The first race I came across today was the men’s 1500 meter, and when I heard the voice of Tom Hammond, I did a double take because I thought it was a horse race, but in fact it was just a goofy foreign name, and not some crazy horse name.

Men’s beach volleyball; not as enticing as women’s beach volleyball.

Phil Dalhausser seems like the story of one of those amazingly tall and gangly children, who tries every sport because people assume he’ll be good at it, only to discover they are destined to play in the band.
But somewhere along the line he was convinced to try volleyball and he managed to avoid the destiny of nerdness for life.

Thanks to NBC for switching away from the volleyball game when it was 9-9 in the third and decisive set, for a non-Michael Phelps swim final. Screw you.
Even better they came back with the US up 14-13, only to go away again as soon as the match ended.

Wow that was amazing, Phelps wins by one one hundredths of a second, I think is mother just had a stroke. (pun intended)
Seven gold medals is pretty damn amazing, but to get the seventh in that fashion coming from behind and getting it at the last second, I think tops the relay comeback from Sunday night.

I think we’re all at a loss of words, even Phelps was so I am willing to give Rowdy Gaines the benefit of the doubt, but still let’s try not to refer to another man on national television as “magical” ever again.

So the US baseball team is facing off against it’s longtime border war baseball rival Canada, and a couple of former Red Sox are gracing the Canadian roster.
The original “everday day Eddie” Rheal Cormier is the closer/situational lefty for the Habs, and Rule V pickup Adam-Stern is also in the lineup.
Much like “East Boston’s Jermaine Wiggins, and Hyde Park’s Manny Delcarmen, Stern officially changed his name to Rule V Pickup sometime around 2005.

A sign that hip hop culture has reached all facets of life…..Shalane Flanagan, became the first American woman to medal in her distance running event (its 2am I don’t remember what it was) in a lot a of years, (again the 2am on Friday night thing) so what does she do in her interview, but gives a shout out to Marblehead Mass, her hometown.
So despite being very white, blonde and irish, the rest of America probably thinks Marblehead is some kind of hood, when in fact it is the polar opposite.

Then again its 1:57am on Friday, so I might be the only person without a Marblehead mailing address still watching.

Seriously, has Bob Costas slept at all this week?? I hope he has stock in Visine, because his eyes looked so bulged and white, I thought it was his turn to drive to Jack in the Box with Cheech and Chong.

Ok, I now know its time to call it quits, I just saw a slow motion replay of Race Walkers, (yes race walkers) pouring water all over themselves).

That is all……


Though I’ll probably watch a little more and have better jokes for race walking tomorrow.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Tossing batting practice….While wondering if the inventors of field hockey got together and voted lefties to be considered three-fifths of a righty thus justifying their segregation from the sport.

I wonder if I could have been the Jackie Robinson of field hockey and broken the dexterity-barrier had I simply gotten the ACLU behind me and sued the pants off the US Field Hockey Federation as a child.

Today was kind of a light day, with baseball dominating the afternoon coverage, and really crappy Men’s gymnastics leading most of the night,

With a name like Rowdy Gaines, shouldn’t he be analyzing a cooler sport than Swimming?

Late last night that Crepes loving choker from the 200 relay grabbed the world record in the 100 freestyle prelims, but in what probably is a microcosm of his Olympics, he held it for a grand total of 47.05 seconds, as it was grabbed back by the Australian whom he stole it from moments ago.
He talked the talk earlier this week, but he appears to be walking the walk in cement shoes at the bottom of the pool.
He then subsequently won the gold later on the day….bastard.

It’s nice to see that being traded for CC Sabathia has truly elevated Matt Laporta’s status in baseball circles. He is considered the marquee attraction for team USA baseball, at least according to the Comcast info button, as he allegedly leads the USA into action today. I think that’s more of a statement of who else is on the team, because six weeks ago only the one Brewer fan/sabermetrican who went to Cleveland for the convention last month, and Laporta’s parents knew who he was.

Hey Exxon, instead of trying to solve malaria in foreign countries, how about lowering gas prices and sending some of those record profits back our way. This is the kind of commentary you the reader get when every possible Olympic channel is on commercial at the exact same time.

Olympic baseball can also be chalked up as a sport that’s simply not that interesting on an international stage.

12:42 a.m. Men;s gymnastics or Women’s Badminton? you make the call!

The much anticipated softball showdown between the US and Canada is in a rain delay, and I am treated to more badminton. For the first time in my life I have seen a German of asian descent, taking on some superstar Chinese opponent.

The competition to make the Chinese Badminton team is so fierce, the 2007 World Champion was not selected by the Chinese head coach for the Beijing Olympics.
It’s too bad Coach K didn’t have those kind of gorilla balls when it came down to selecting Kobe and Lebron.

The Chinese have placed such a huge emphasis on winning the Gold Medal count in these Olympics, I can’t help but wonder if a Latvian Table Tennis player, or German Badminton player of Chinese descent wins a gold for their country, will it count for the Communists.

Ha!!! Take that field hockey. Softball may be getting bounced from the 2012 Olympics (take a drink) but it just returned the favor to the entire town of Walpole, watching native daughter Kate McDavitt, and the dozen or so other field hockey fans who anxiously awaited the US showdown with Germany.
Instead the US/Canada game is back from the hour and 15 minute rain delay.

It's nearly 3am, and I now know it's officially time to call it a night because I found myself actually talking myself into the potential of Monica Abbott as attractive.
That was the mythical bartender here at TBP turning the lights on and telling me to go home.

With a 2:15 am start, this could seriously jeopardize my intentions to get up at 8am to watch the US/Greece hoops game in a few hours.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tossing batting practice….because Charlie Zink was too tired and battered to write this column for me.

I decided to skip some writing tonight because with women’s gymnastics dominating the coverage, I was afraid too much writing about these Chinese gymnasts would force me to register somewhere for something.

Ok, one comment, when the girls look like they couldn’t pass a field sobriety test on the balance beam, they probably can’t expect gold.

I want to personally apologize to Cat Osterman for accidentally confusing her for Monica Abbott to start tonight’s softball showdown between Australia and the US, a rematch of the 2004 gold medal game.

Tanya Harding, no not that one, is in the circle (remember there is no hill) for Australia, and she looks to have aged about as well as the Tonya Harding the rest of America is familiar with, i.e. not well.

She claims to be 36, but either the sun hasn’t been good to her down under, or she’s was born at the same hospital that verified Miguel Tejada’s birth certificate.

I’m willing to admit it, you know you’re a softball nerd when you’re curious about which bat, every player is swinging.

Do you think the Red Sox could add Stacey Nuveman to the 40 man roster come sept. 1st? she calls a great game too, and probably couldn't hit any worse. And her thighs are in fact bigger, and more muscular than the captain's.

For those of you not familiar with softball, not being able to crack triple digits in kilometers an hour, is slightly better than Wakefieldian…perhaps it could be referred to as Foulke-esque.
And despite that seeming limitation Osterman tossed the second straight no-hitter in these Olympics against one of the better offenses in the tournament.
I won’t bore you any further tonight with softball in what was a mostly ho-hum game.

On to indoor volleyball, where the Venezuelan women appear to be wearing speedo bottoms for uniforms; more analysis coming shortly.

Why don’t you see more fingers broken in volleyball games, these folks just hammer the ball.

In no way shape or form do the colors yellow, or teal appear in the Australian flag, nor do I think of those colors when I think down under, yet their Olympic committee insists every four years upon those colors for uniforms.

Forest Gump where art though?
He is apparently not walking through that door for the US table tennis team. (So I don’t offend the lone table tennis fan, who corrects me in the comments, I wont call it ping pong)

The US women, are currently taking a beating from the representatives from the Singapore. I think it would have been less painful to our civic pride if it had involved a cane and the Singapore government.

Were it not for the announcers telling us which team was which, I would not have been able to discern the Americans from the Singaporeans.

Roommate: “Look at them they’re all Asian, isn’t that stereotypical?”
Me: “No, it’s not a stereotype if it’s true”

Somewhere Steve “Snapper” Jones finds it abhorrent that the US is not breeding it’s own table tennis players. No word yet on whether he thinks of our athletes as traitors to their own country, whatever it may be.

Upon further review, Bill Clement is once again leading the commentary. After trap shooting, Sunday and Table Tennis today, I think we can safely assume that NBC does not think very highly of its lead hockey announcer, nor do they place much importance on keeping him happy.



In any event, I am watching more midget boxing involving what I can only assume, because generalizations are fun, to be a smarmy Frenchman, and a boxer from Uzbekistan.
Not since I was eight years old, riveted to CNN have I rooted so fervently for the citizens of Uzbekistan.
France Sucks…

And its off to bed for a bit before returning shortly for what should be an exciting Women's basektball showdown between the US and Mali and just four short hours.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Tossing batting practice….while wondering how Angola keeps getting invited back to the Olympics in basketball.

A number of African countries have sent natives to the NBA, Hakeem Olajuwon, Manute Bol, and the late great Yinka Dare all come to mind. Yet I don’t think Angola has ever sent one, but somehow they keep qualifying for these games.

I’m sick of the fervor surrounding American players suiting up for other countries in the Olympic basketball tournament. It’s not like these guys turned down the chance to play for the US. Becky Hammon was MVP of the WNBA and didn’t make the US team, since it was basically already picked.

If I had the chance to join Iran or North Korea’s Olympic team, for the opportunity to go through the one in a lifetime experience of being an Olympic athlete I’d do it.
And for the record, anyone with the nickname “Snapper” should spare the American people the soliloquy of what “traders” these people are.
Nobody accused Del Harris of being a Communist when he coached the Chinese basketball team in Athens.

Screw NBATV I want Comcast to keep this international basketball channel full time. Then I can stop watching classic games where I know the outcome.

Universal HD, is making every effort to bring boxing back to mainstream, with nonstop coverage the last few days. By the time the Sopranos comes on A&E at 3pm, I can't get Teddy Atlas out of my head, mumbling like Phil Leotardo on speed.

One glaring difference between communism and capitalism can be seen at the Boxing arena. In America we have the “Corporate Sponsor who gave us the most money Stadium/Arena/Garden."
In China you have the Worker’s Gymnasium. Once again, in theory Communism works.

The worst part about not having taken a social studies class in about 10 years, is not knowing what the flags of these fledging countries, who probably just declared independence, look like.
NBC puts a little too much faith in the average American’s knowledge of world cultures, to not just tell us where they’re from.

I just watched featherweight boxing between two circus midgets from countries, with flags, and abbreviations I could not determine. Sorry former high school social studies teachers of mine.

And I am a certified social studies teacher in the state of Massachusetts.

One Kilometer Kayaking looks like a sport I wish I had discovered earlier in life, or the flume ride at Canobie Lake Park, with a medal involved. Either way I’m sold.

The eventual Bronze medal in Kayaking went to a guy from Togo who just won the first ever Olympic medal for Togo, and then pulled a Bo Jackson and snapped his paddle in half in celebration, I wonder if he won the gold would he have put a hole in the kayak and sunk it?

I feel as though the fervor over Mark Spitz not being invited is the fault of some poor USOC PR intern, who probably got the email to call Spitz sent to their spam box, never to be heard from again.

A quick perusal of wikipedia tells me that, Mark Spitz had a failed attempt to capitalize on his fame in Hollywood, and attempted a comeback in the early 90s that also came up short. He is now a self-employed corporate spokesperson and motivational speaker.
Well, now I know what the future holds for Michael Phelps, once track and field starts next week and we’ve all forgotten about swimming.

Back later on tonight with a few more thoughts, and a pitch by pitch gamecast of the much anticipated (in my house) US/Australia preliminary round softball game.
Tossing batting practice…while warming up in the bullpen for Venezuela

The start of today’s softball showdown between the US and Venezuela is being delayed, and CNBC is treating us to some mixed doubles badminton.

Hehehehehehehe, shuttlecock hehehehehehe.

Ok, now that I’ve got that out of my system, this match does not feature either Brian Urlacher or David Ortiz, but everything else looks strikingly similar to that vitamin water commercial.

In lieu of those two, we have two completely androgynous mixed doubles teams from Indonesia and Korea. One of these teams features, a competitor whose name is pronounced “Wang Yu Mi” which I believe is a line Dunneksi attempted to use at a shady club in Manila while fighting a language barrier and for freedom.

Wang is in fact pronounced like the theatre in Boston, and not like the underachieving pitcher for New York.

Boston 1 NY 0

“Wang has been very good for Korea” hehehehehehehe. (Sorry I just can’t take this sport seriously, but I’m trying.)
The disturbing part of that quote, is that Wang is a she, which is sort of an ironic twist of words from what you might accidentally discover at an Korean massage parlor.

“And Wang can’t deliver!” most drunken Yankee fans feel that pain in more ways than one.

Clearly this announcer, is a little boisterous, and hoping that he might get the call up to a slightly more significant sport if he goes Gus Johnson on us.

While I’m a little disappointed to see badminton go (seriously NBC, if you’re going to give us an all soccer channel, can’t you give us badminton) it’s time for the main event (for me) with the US taking on Venezuela.
I never thought I’d say this, but I miss John Kruk. This announcer clearly has never seen a softball game in his life. At least Bill Clement sounded somewhat informed on trap shooting yesterday.
Meanwhile this guy has never seen the 2nd baseman cover first.

As Jennie Finch grunts and moans through every pitch, a world away teenage boys are doing the same…

For all you college kids out there looking for a reason besides Finch to watch this sport, I urge you to play the “softball will not be part of the 2012 Olympics drinking game” Anytime the announcers over the next 10 days mention in any way this being the last Olympics for softball as a sport, you must take a drink.
Warning, may cause alcohol poisoning or death

Taking a page from TBS playoff baseball coverage, while still awat at commercial we missed a home run from Crystal Bustos, who is still vying for the top spot in People’s least popular annual issue, the 50 most ugly people in America.
Despite her putrid look, she is absolutely must watch tv when she is hitting, think of a more portly Manny Ramirez, and twice as much power.

5-0 after three, and I’m glad NBC has taken the time to inform us of the run rule, so I might be able to get some sleep, or more badminton.

It looks like I found out what my former assistant and current deplorable human being is doing for the summer.....coaching the Venezuela outfield.
I haven’t seen such poor play on popups since, oh about five months ago on a daily basis.

Memo to Michelle Smith, an 11-0 bludgeoning is not the time to try to convince a skeptical and uninformed American audience that the rest of the world is catching up.

And this has officially gotten uglier than Crystal Bustos and Monica Abbot on the cover of the Swimsuit edition, bring back badminton.

Back in the AM with some Angola/US Redeem Team hoops…. Also on the to do list for today is swimming on Telemundo. If they can make soccer sound exciting imagine what they could do with a sprint race. I hope the gooooaaaaaalllll!!!!! Guy is there so he can offer up exclamations of Gooollllddd!
Tossing Batting Practice….while admiring in as heterosexual a way as possible the difficulty of men’s gymnastics.

The reason why you don’t see many Americans succeed in men’s gymnastics, is every time they hang from a cylinder, they’re whistled for a technical foul.

(1:09 a.m) So let me get this straight, Cuba has an indoor volleyball team, but not a beach volleyball team, yet Latvia which from what I understand is near Scandinavia has a beach volleyball duo. Apparently they maximize those two weeks of training they get a year on the beaches of the North Sea.

A request from the audience has come to try and explain scoring in Olympic Boxing, so far I’ve come up empty.

The first bout of the day (or in this case early night) features a Brazilian pugilist, and I can’t help but wonder if given the national obsession with soccer, is a Brazilian who is good with their hands an outcast to most of his country?

You learn something new everyday I guess…there are in fact minorities in Australia, and even down under they take up the sports affluent Australians won’t do (oh wait that’s supposed to say jobs). Case in point, this Australian minority boxer.
The guy has lightning quick hands, and is light on his feet. Which begs the obvious question, does he shadow box against kangaroos for practice? I think there is no other acceptable form of training in that country.

I’m Pretty sure this is not what Lenin, or Mao envisioned years ago….
The men’s beach volleyball duo of Todd Rogers and Phil Dalhausser (who looks like Matt Geiger’s long lost brother, which is not a compliment) suffered from their sunglasses fogging up in their stunning opening round loss. But they are unable to ditch the glasses in round two because of a sponsorship deal, so what do they do? They take the lens off, but continue to wear the frames, in some sort of ode to the Revenge of the Nerds.

Why isn’t team handball more popular in this country? It kind of looks like the NBA, lots of perimeter passing, and nobody goes near the net, say for the occasional penetrator off the dribble.
The difference though, is that players are not allowed within six meters of the net.

One second left, down a goal and the Hungry women’s team handball squad pulls out a miraculous goal and salvages a tie, you know you’re watching the Olympics when you and your roommate simultaneously let out a loud yell at women’s team handball at 4 p.m.

Upon further review, there is one Olympic sport that doesn’t get more exciting because it’s the Olympics. And that is Tennis….Until it’s a Federer/Nadal final, who cares?

Ok, if you’re watching Bode Miller, this is how you’re supposed to back up all the talk of multiple gold medals at one Olympics. Phelps just blasted the field in that 200 meter, he needs a cool nickname like the Australian guy, the Thorpedo.

For the record, I could not remember what Bode Miller’s name was, until I googled the phrase “drunken skier and 2006 Olympics” and he came up.
Probably not the phrase he wanted associated with himself prior to his failed Olympic experience.

I’m starting to understand the complaints and questions surrounding those swimming body suits as world records have been falling like the 50 home run barrier in the mid to late 90s.
I trust someone at NBC will bring this up and inform the viewing audience when the swimming equivalent of Brady Anderson breaks a world record in a prelim.

If the oldest baseball record on the books was a mere eight years old, like in swimming, would Bob Costas have the same fondness for the old days?

Why the rest of the world hates us Part LXIVXI …The post race hug/handshake in swimming.
When an American loses, and the victor gets all Jim Valvano on the field looking for congratualtions, they always get this sour, “I will do this because I have to, and it’s on TV” look on their face, sort of like the post series handshake in playoff hockey.
Meanwhile, the competitors from other countries generally congratulate the winner and celebrate as if they won, I think that’s a sign the rest of the world is rooting against us, in more ways than one.
I guess that makes us the Yankees huh? (pun intended).

Day One of softball is on the slate for the start of tomorrow’s blog…..Jennie Finch gets the ball for game one, and if you know me, you’ll know I won’t be too distracted to discuss the nuances of her game.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Tossing batting practice….while wondering how citizens from landlocked, mostly cold weather countries like China and the Netherlands get involved in beach volleyball to begin with.

The opening round of beach volleyball was played in pouring rain today, I’m pretty sure that there is no group of athletes more ill prepared to compete in foul weather in these entire Olympics.

I was watching a little bit of rowing, and started falling asleep because the announcer was filled with all the enthusiasm of a golf announcer in the final round of a tournament not involving Tiger, or maybe I was watching the PGA Championship, I’m a little out of it.
Anyways I perked right up when the announcer told me that the Italians had won, followed closely by the Cubans. The concept of Cuban rowers brought about so many questions.
Are these two on the national team because the 1 million fastest rowers in Cuba are currently living in Florida?
Did they decide to dedicate their lives to rowing after being unable to out row the Coast Guard?

I think all differences aside, the Cuban government should have let El Duque and Livan Hernandez don the national colors once again and get in a boat and row. Since neither one can pitch anymore, they might be able to restore some pride.

Today’s random way off the cuff sport, was 10 meter trap shooting in the rain. When the analyst, is getting text messages from the US coach, who is actually in China, as opposed to a studio in NY you know that NBC doesn’t care about you. Or maybe a better sign is hockey analyst Bill Clement is the lead announcer.

It wasn’t a sport conducive to TV, but the puff of smoke that indicated a busted target was pretty cool, albeit somewhat rare, kind of like choosing a Pope.
The event did feature a heartwarming comeback story of a shooter who was unable to train for most of the year because his gun license was taken away from him while he was on trial for battering his girlfriend, whom it turned out had made the entire thing up.
Only in trap shooting can your livelihood be truly jeopardized by the ramblings of a crazy woman.

The Chinese not winning a cycling event is sort of like the US not winning at basketball right? Wait, that’s a poor turn of phrase, how about the US not winning at Women’s basketball?

I guess if the event was the fastest time in gridlock from Tiananmen Square to the Forbidden City, then the Chinese would own it.

Is the goalkeeper in water polo the guy on the team who can’t swim, but is excellent at treading water and flailing his arms like a maniac?
And yes, with the shower cap on (I’m still not sure the need to be aerodynamic in this game by the way) these guys have the look of the “wacky inflatable arm waving tube man” from Family Guy.

Wikipedia and Google answer so many questions I have about these fringe sports, such as how deep is the water in water polo, it’s 2.0 meters which according to online conversion, courtesy of google is 6.5 feet.
Imagine how good Shaq or Yao would be in this sport if the water is only 6.5 feet deep? Better still a 6-10 flame throwing Randy Johnson.


President Bush is just livin the dream right now. He looks like a guy who’s about to retire, but was just told by human resources he better use those personal days or they’ll be gone.
So what does he do? Take a five day trek to China for the Olympics. The real world Corporate America equivalent, would be a five day west coast ballpark tour culminating in a weekend in Vegas.

There’s been a lot of clamor about these new full body speedos in swimming circles. However, I just want to go on record as saying I am 100 percent for them in men’s swimming.

The gender ambiguity of the German gymnastics team is a quaint reminder of the old days when there were more communist countries to root against.

(11:26 p.m.) I wish France were better at sports so I could root against them in more events. But I guess tonight’s relay will have to suffice. Seeing their snooty arrogance get crushed will be rather satisfying.
I give them credit for trash talking though and spicing things up, in an otherwise monotonous event.

(11:31 p.m.) Well, that was even more satisfying than could be imagined, France's anchor surrendered that lead like his grandfather surrendered Paris in 1940.
Granted nobody outside of swimming circles will ever remember this by Thursday, but that brought some excitement to these games, and kept Phelps' hopes for the eight golds alive for one more night.
A feat I think only, Phelps, his parents, and NBC care about.

That’s about it for tonight, but I’ll be sure to watch the badminton singles tomorrow morning, so that you don’t have to.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Tossing Batting Practice…..which is what I will likely do in a few hours if I don’t turn off the goddamn tv and go to be before my tournament in the morning.

I did not watch the opening ceremonies, as far as I’m concerned Fencing at 2am is the opening ceremonies of the games of the XXIXth Olympiad. (Somewhere either my 4th grade teacher, or NFL films should be proud of the fact I didn’t need to look that up)

(Saturday 2am ET) Make fun of softball all you want, but women’s fencing, particularly European women are about the most raging lesbians in existence….not that there’s anything wrong with that.

What is worse, one who dedicates their life to fencing, or one who dedicates their life to analyze fencing?
It’s 2:06, roughly four minutes into the coverage of this event, and the Stuart Scott-esque analyst (who may or may not be Gus Johnson’s autistic cousin), has used the term “great action” 6 times, and if he utters the term nice touch one more time I might be required by Comcast to pay $10 for the remainder of the on Cinemax.

This may or may not last beyond this morning, but the random correct sporting term from an obscure sport of the day is sabre.
(And I also can’t help but think of the Aud in Buffalo and those horrific logos of the of Buffalo Sabres)

Transitioning….seriously, those sabres can’t be that sharp looking, why are thsee folks dressed as though they are handling some sort of anthrax laced ebola virus strain?

“This is a big big moment, either she wins or it’s a tie score”…..thanks Joe Morgan, for letting us know that a 14-13 score in a match to 15 is a crucial point.

It is impossible to watch fencing, without hearing the phrase, "my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!" play insied your head, followed by a hilarious chuckle.

This will likely be a daily feature


The one thing I want to see more than anything (until tomorrow),
Is the American fencer, (who is clearly fighting lefthanded)to be miked up, and dlip the sabre (I will make an effort not to call it a sword) to her right hand, and say,"But I have a secret for you...I am not lefthanded" only to dominate the match? fight? game? I have yet to determine what the proper name for it is.

If a Great Britian “athlete” (let’s be honest we all chucked at that statement) annihilates an Egyptian participant in crappy-weight (anything short of heavyweight will be hereby known as crappy-weight, or something more creative down the road) boxing is that a victory for Christianity, 900 years In the making?

Is there a more out of place human being in all of China, than Teddy Atlas??? His NY accent is so thick, he couldn’t even get work as an extra in Johnny Sac’s crew on the Sopranos…Not even NBC bothered to try to clean him up for TV, I guess that’s why he’s on at 230am.

So the NBC family of networks is giving me multiple options of channel surfing at 2am oin Saturday of day 1, and only a mere 28 minutes until China Vs Spain women’s basketball on the NBCHD basketball channel.

I think this is going to be a long sleep deprived two weeks……

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Tossing batting practice…while enjoying the fact that it you can legitimately pay 37 pesos for a gallon of gas in America, near Jay’s new house in El Paso.

So it’s been a while, I know. Things just sort of happened, and I know I should have called, but hey, why didn’t you call me, if you were really that worried or interested???

See, how I was able to turn the guilt toward you?

Anyways, I felt as one of the few Manny supporters (I think apologist is too strong a word) remaining, I thought it would be a good time to state the case. I am fully aware as I write this, that Jason Bay just went 4-5 and is batting .429, but as I contend further down, I don’t think this trade can be judged in the regular season.

I won’t defend his actions, thus the reasoning that apologist is too strong a word, I felt it was an abomination and I understand that he had to go according to the players on the team, and I have played with my fair share of superstars who were team chemistry cancers. The heroin addict, convicted felon, All-American who batted .700 at Nationals two years ago comes right to mind.

(As a side note, Manny may have been a pain in the ass faking injuries and what not, but it’s not like any member of the Sox had a teammate who went around saying, “If I go back to the can it’s going to be for a real crime like assault or murder, not f’in drugs”)

However, this trade to me provides a conundrum for all Sox fans that they must answer.

If they had kept Manny, the Sox probably would not have made the playoffs, but if they did, there is no doubt to me they would have won it all.
By trading him, I think it’s all but assured they make the playoffs, but they probably won’t win it.

So that's the million dollar question you must ask yourself, are you a playoffs is good enough person, or a championship or bust type?

(yes I know, you can scroll down about one or two posts to find the last time I made a concrete prediction about this team, and it failed miserably, but hear me out)

I’ve played with enough guys who grew up near the equator to understand a little but about their culture and the way they play the game, it’s not simply a Manny thing, but it’s easy to dump on him. He’ll never be Pete Rose, but name me anyone with Hispanic blood you would say compares to him. A player like that is usually someone, no matter the color or ethnicity who wasn’t handed many god given tools.
The same could be said about Larry Bird, in the NBA, it’s said they don’t make players like him anymore, or that African-Americans today are too flashy, but it’s a culture thing among those athletes and trickles down to all levels of the game, it’s just easy to single out a Manny Ramirez because he makes 20 Million a year.

The swift generalization, aside. To me the quartet of JD Drew, Mike Lowell, Kevin Youkilis, and Jason Bay, to borrow a phrase from Rick Reilly (I apologize) sounds like a Kiwanis Club meeting.
Somewhere Tom Yawkey is thrilled the Sox got a heck of a lot whiter, with one big “I do” or in this case, “deal” from Theo Epstein.

More importantly, I look at this deal as a case of us having, five nickels, three nickels and a dime or two dimes and a nickel, instead of a quarter.

My point is that, sure all these options, equal a quarter and are good for purchase anywhere in America at a storecounter.
But too much change always gets lost, and to count on you constantly carrying all those coins on your person and assuming that they won’t get lost, or fall out of your pocket is taking a leap of faith.
If one of that quartet gets hurt (hello Mike Lowell, and that hip flexor) you’re down a coin, and don’t equal 25 cents anymore.

If it just so happens that you manage to keep all the coins, and you get to the playoffs, well theoretically you’re in good shape right?

This is where I concur. There are plenty of things in everyday life where 25 cents is good no matter the combination, but to me the playoffs is a little different.

In David Ortiz, the Red Sox have a quarter, even with the wrist injury. When we get to October his value is measured in past, and current success, thus even hurt, he still possesses a threat to opponents that have to respect him no matter what. In other words, he’s worth 25 cents, even if it’s a little scuffed.

Manny was a quarter as well, even if he’s in decline, and couldn’t hit an inside fastball over 94 mph opponents still feared him, it could have been scuffed, bent a little, or even Canadian, as far as opponents were concerned, in big spots, late innings, and close games he walked like a duck, talked like a duck and acted like a duck.
So opponents had to fear him and respect him, and pitch to him and by extension, Ortiz accordingly.

With Manny gone, sure we have 25 cents, but I can’t use that combination at the Laundromat, or to feed the parking meter, I need to trade them for a quarter.
That’s what October is against the Angels, or big a series against the Yankees, I need to feed the meter, and a bunch of coins totaling 25 cents won’t to me any good, they are essentially worthless, and even with one quarter, like Ortiz, it isn’t enough.
I need that extra one to get me over the top.

In Bay, Drew, Youkilis, or Lowell, the Red Sox may have another quarter, it remains to be seen. Bay is really the only possibility, since we sort of know the other three are what they are, but he may just be another coin to add to the collection.
It’s a collection that may just be enough for a playoff berth, but right now looking around at the other offenses in the league

I hope I’m as amazingly wrong as I was last October, and right now if the Sox don’t make the playoffs they can state publicly they just weren’t good enough, because they certainly wouldn’t have had Manny if they suddenly faded down the stretch.
But I think they will make the postseason, and ultimately this lineup will mirror the Angels of years past, while they will now mirror us.
An ironic twist of the “can’t beat em, join em, corollary”.

If that’s the case, expect an October failure, one I can’t help but think could have been avoided with Manny Ramirez in the lineup.

The Bottom line is this in my eyes, the Sox were 0-83 without Manny, and 2-7 with him. I'll take that average, and those memories. I will also cherish the fact that diehard Yankee fans like JT celebrated the trade, and admitted, he was glad that the Sox would not make the playoffs now (which I do disagree) because he doesn't think the Yankees can beat Boston in a 7 game series, because of the mental block they have on the Sox.
As a Boston fan, that means more to me than anything, a Yankee fan admitting defeat to a Red Sox fan before the games are played, or even scheduled.
That was a direct result of what Manny Ramirez brought to the Red Sox the past seven and a half seasons. That was worth $160 Million of someone else's money.

***

It’s been four years, since my great Tossing BP, Olympic edition. My it’s been a while, and life has changed (for my betterment if you ask those who hated Jess, which was just about everyone), and I can’t believe its been that long, Mission Hill was good to us, right Dunneski?.
However, I am interested in my intrepid reader (thanks Bill) or less likely, readers opinion.
Given my current situation, of not much to do, and a lot of Olympic coverage on television, if I attempt a regular Olympic blog, mostly making fun of NBC’s coverage, Niche sports, and making wild ethnic generalizations, and off color jokes will people be interested in reading, and not judge me to be a horrible human being???

Oh yeah, and wall to wall Softball Coverage….because I will be watching live, no matter the hour.

You can leave me a comment, or email your answer either way, and I will deliver what the audience wants….